The Steel Cage
by Moongoose McQueen
Summary: Johnny Cage gets his own talkshow. Cohosted by a foul mouthed Scorpion and the very emotinal Rain. rated for language Scorpion has a very dirty mouth. CH.2 up now, more of the same stupidity. Sign Scorpions petition!
1. Chapter 1

**Broadcasting Live to all the realms of Mortal Kombat ittss **

**The Steel Cage with your host Johnny Cage!**

_cage enters from side stage wearing his tuxedo from Mortal Kombat Deadly Alliance._

Cage: Good evening everyone I am Johnny Cage, here with my co-host Scorpion.

_Scorpion waves at the camera._

Cage: Yes all well and good and so on and so on, now then if Rain would bring out tonights guest we can get started.

Rain: Hey Cage?

Cage: What is it Rain and does it involve tonights guest cause if it doesn't then dont ask it.

Rain: How come you didn't inroduce me?

Cage:Strange I remeber telling you to bring out the guest I didn't tell you to waste my time with your sob story.

Rain: Why wasn't I introduced? You introduced yourself and Scorpion but not me why not me?

Scorpion: Because man we're the talent, your'e just some hack.

Cage: yeah what he said.

Rain: You guys are so full of shit!

Scorpion: Naw man we shit you not. They wanted Sub-Zero or Reptile , but they didn't have enough to afford thos guys so they hired you instead.

Rain:Aww go to hell _starts crying_

Cage: Well then Rain now that you've got your anwers can you bring out the guest. Or do we have to make you happy so you'll stop crying?

Rain: _still crying_ shut up

Cage: Ok I guess I'll have to do it myself _walks over to Rain's control thingy_ Ok then what does this one do

_cage reaches for lever labled Ultra Mega Death Ray._

Rain:Dont pull that

_cage pulls lever and is shocked throughout his body_

Scorpion: Dammit Rain you almost ruined it with your stupid warning, Im starting to wish they hired Shinnok instead of your ass.

Rain: Well they didnt hire Shinnok or my ass, they hired me, so I'm gonna come here and put my ass in the spot on this chair where it says Rain put you ass here.

Cage: does it really say that?

_Cage and Scorpion look at Rains chair where a lable reads Rain put your ass here_

Cage: wow, but anyway lets bring out tonights guest

Rain: alrighty then the guest tonight will be Ermac.

_Ermac enters and takes the seat next to Cage._

Cage: Ermac how are you doing?

Ermac: We are Ermac!

Scorpion: Ermac? what the hell kind of name is Ermac?

Ermac: WE ARE ERMAC!

Rain: Thats not what he asked dude, he wants to know what kind of name Ermac is.

Cage: would you two morons stop interupting my show? Now then Ermac how did it feel to be at the center of the whole Ermac Hoast, so to speak?

Ermac: We were not a hoax. WE ARE ERMAC!

Cage: Yeah but you were a mistake in ummm Mortal Kombat 2 i think.

Ermac: We wer not a mistake. WE ARE ERMAC!

Cage: You interupted Scorpion your name means ERror MACrohard dude

Scorpion: Yeah who the hell do you think you are cuttin in on my kombat you little shit face

Rain: Ermac? what the hell is an Ermac?

Ermac: WE ARE ERMAC! we are not shit face or mistake. WE ARE ERMAC!

Cage: ok we get it You guys, apparently are Ermac.

Rain: Hey whats with the "we are ermac" thing?

Scorpion: And is it really necesary to say "we are ermac" every damn time you talk? we know who you fucking are dumbass!

Cage: Will you two shut up! Im trying to conduct an interveiw and you two idots keep interupting me!

Scorpion: We're idots? what the fuck is an idot?

Rain: Dont you mean idiot?

Scorpion: fuckin moron cant even say idiot.

Cage:Will you two please shut up!

Ermac: Why isn't anyone paying attention to us? WE ARE ERMAC!

Scorpion: We know who you fucking are! you know what this is bullshit! GET OVER HERE!

_Scorpion's spear grabs Ermac and he uppercuts Ermac through the ceiling._

Cage: Dammit! RAIN HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN!

Rain: But it was Scorpion not me.

Scorpion: yeah but im talented and you could have prevented this from happening.

Cage: thats right Scorpion.

Rain:_ gently sobbing_ why do you have to blame everything on me?

Scorpion: Show polocy dude.

Cage: yeah rule number one: Blame everything on Rain.

_Ermac crashes through the roof and lands on the chair next to Johnny._

Cage: Rain is the guest back yet?

Rain:_ while crying _What the hell do you think?

Cage: Rain I dont think I need you to tell me.

Rain: _still crying _THe guest is back you freakin retard.

Cage: Oh good! Ermac did you know you were a mistake?

Ermac: We are not a mistake. WE ARE ERMAC!

Cage: Well then lets take a look at tonights poll. Rain stop you wussy little crying and show the poll.

Rain:_ stops crying_ I'll give you a poll ya stupid dumbass.

_poll shows up on the screen behind Cage_

Cage: There you have it!

**WAS ERMAC A MISTAKE?**

**50 YES**

**50NO**

Cage: let me remind you that there is a fifty percent chance of error.

Rain: Fifty percent?

Cage: Computers broken, had to do the math myself. Anyway lets take it to Kitana in the streets of Edenia

Kitana: Thank you Johnny I'm here in the center of Edenia, asking the people here if they think Ermac was a mistake. Excuse me sir.

Man: Yes

Kitana: Im from The Steel Cage staring Johnny Cage and i wanted to ask you if you think Ermac was a mistake.

Man: I'm Bill from Edenia and I do not think Ermac was a mistake.

Kitana: Well thats his opion now lets see what the rest of Edenia thinks!

Woman: Im Cherly from Edenia and I think Ermac was a mistake

Man: Im Joe and Ermac is not a mistake.

Man: Im incredibly handsom and Ermac is not a mistake

Bill: I'm just a bill and im sitting up on capitol hill.

Kitana: There you have it Johnny some do some dont now back to you! woohoo!

Cage: Thank you Kitana

Scorpion: perky little bicth ain't she?

Ermac: WE ARE ERMAC!

Cage: We know Ermac, now stop saying that.

Rain: ummmm Cage I think we're out of time.

Cage: Rain are we out of time yet?

Scorpion: Not to bright are we Johnny boy?

Cage: I'm the brightest why do ask Scorpion?

Scorpion: No reason.

Cage: Rain are we out of time yet?

Rain: Yeah ya freakin idiot.

Cage: Thank you for tunning in, I'm Johnny Cage and on behalf of Scorpion, Ermac, Kitana, and the rest good night.


	2. Chapter 2

THe Steel Cage: Show 2

_music plays as it flashes to a Johnny Cage sitting at a desk with his Tuxedo on_

Johnny Cage: Good evening, and welcome to The Steel Cage, with me Johnny ummm ummm Rain whats my last name again?

Scorpion: Buttfucker

Cage: Thanks Scorpion, welcome to the Steel Cage with me Johnny Buttfucker

Rain:_ giggles like a little girl_

Cage: Whats so funny Rain?

Rain: Nothing Mr. Buttfucker

Cage: Thats right no body messes with Johnny Buttfucker

Scorpion: Hey man, what the hell was wrong with my paycheck this week?

Cage: What do you mean Scorpion?

Scorpion: What I mean is where the hell is my money?

Cage: Rain where is his money?

Rain: Well acording to this chart _chart flashes on screen behind cage_ All the money was cut and given to you

Cage: Oh yes thats right, the annual Johnny Buttfuck...wait my name isn't buttfucker, see Scorpion this is why you don't get paid, may name is not Johnny Buttfucker.

Scorpion: I think you're forgetting something asswipe

Cage: Remember Scorpion, an elephant never forgets.

Rain:_stares blankly at Cage_

Scorpion: And are you an elephant?

Cage: Rain am I an elephant?

Rain: Can't you think for yourself?

Cage: Of course not thats why I have you Rain to think for me

Rain: _starts crying like mad out of nowhere_ Im tired of thinking for you why don't I get any respect? What about me? What about Rain? _crys even louder_

Scorpion: Hard to respect a guy who does nothing but bitch.

Rain: _sobbing softer now_ Well if i got some respect i'd probly do a better job

Cage: Nonsense Rain, you suck now and you always will suck. I cant beileve i have to work with an idiot like you.

Scorpion: Oh the irony

Rain:_ crying because he was called an idiot_ it's time to bring out the guest..._crys louder_

Cage: I'm not bringing a guest until you stop crying.

Scorpion: Yeah shut the fuck up

Cage: Exactly Rain shut the fuck up.

Scorpion: No man I was talking to you , Cage shut the fuck up.

Cage: Rain bring out the guest

Rain: I dont wanna

Cage: Rain we've been through this...

Rain: I wanna hug...

_cage walks over and gives Rain a little hug_

Scorpion: Ha ha you guys are gay. Fag fag fag fag faggy faggy fag fag _starts laughing until he passes out_

Cage: Scorpion that is not right, there is nothing wrong with my...dah dah I mean a homosexual lifestyle. I'm not gay.

Rain: Ummmmmm awkard moment Cage, well to make it less awkard here's tonights guest, Kung Lao

_Kung Lao walks out with through smoke, dressed like a pimp, but in place of the traditional hat is Kung Lao's hat with a feather sticking out of it_

Cage: Welcome Kung Lao old buddy

Kung Lao: 'Sup?

Cage: Uhhh what?

Rain: He said 'sup dumbass

Cage: What the hell are you guys saying?

KungLao: You wan get smacked jack? i sayed 'sup?

Cage: Errr...right...(_voice drops to a whisper_) I think he maybe crazy folks just bear with us please.

Kung: I ain't crazy ho' im a P-I-M-P

Scorpion: What the hell?

Rain:(_cryijng from laughter_) he said he's a pimp

Cage: Right most unusual. Kung Lao I've got a question for you..

Kung: A'ight shoot it homeslice

Scorpion: Home slice? What the fuck is a homeslice?

Cage: Scorpion please Kung Lao is obviously just trying out for the video for the song Pretty Fly for a White Guy.

Rain: Or maybe to Malibu's Most Wanted 2: Shaolin Showdown

Kung: Man I be gettin mad love from mah bitches wan see?

Scorpion: Umm yeah lets see what kind of stupid hookers you got paid in the back

Cage: Damn you all I have a question and I'm going to ask it!

Kung: Shut da fuck up cage, bring out mah bitches.

Rain: _(crying)_ Now is that really apropriate? Thats what my dad called me when he played Michael Jackson with me..

_the whole show pauses for about an hour_

Kung: Well I think it's time fo' urbody to come aboard the hoooooo train

(ex-WWE wrestler The Godfather's music plays as several scantly-clad women come out and start groping Kung Lao's hat)

Cage: Well then this explains alot, Rain could you ask Kung Lao where to get one of those hats?

Rain:_ (still crying)_ He touched meee..daddy didn't love me...

Cage: Why don't you go sit in the corner or something?

Rain:_ (still crying) _I already a-a-aaammm...

Cage: Security can you please take Rain to a safe place somewhere, we dont need any more of that story today..or ever..damn thats scary. Anyway Kung Lao, where do you get one of those niffy hats?

Scorpion: Hell it'll take alot more than a hat to get you laid.

Kung: Cain't get one. I gots the only one.

Cage: I see, _(voice gets louder)_ memo to self: kill Kung Lao and steal his hat.

_Kung Lao looks pissed, as his hos stare at Cage in disbelief_

Cage: Damn Scorpion are you supposed to speak louder into a voice recorder or softer?

Scorpion: Uhh yeah louder just keep doin it that way it'll be fine.

Kung: A'ight thats it. Cage I'm fixin to bust you up mother fucka'.

Cage: Please pleas we have a show to do you can't beat me up yet.

Kung:The hell I can't.

_(Kung Lao proceeds to beat the high holy hell out of Cage)_

GET OVER HERE!_(Scorpon spears Cage and uppercuts him through the roof)_

Scorpion: Well with that assclow gone, I'll now be your host on ehhh... Untitled Scorpion Talk Show

offscreen voice: We're almost out of time

Scorpion: What the fuck I only get 5 minutes?

offscreenvoice: Actually we gotta send it to Kitana so you get like no time Scorpion.

Scorpion: Awww Jesus tap-dancing Christ

Kung: I'd be pimp slappin that punk bitch, try to dis you homie

Scorpion: Tonights pole is concerns Kung Lao, it's not "Is Kung Lao a poser?" as the answer would've been to one sided instead we're asking "Do you dig Kung Lao for his hat?" Kitana, take it away..useless talentless bitch...

Kitana: Alright I am here in the streets of lovely Edina and I am talking to the people here to see if the dig Kung's hat woooo! Alright ma'am over here, do you dig Kung Lao for his hat?

Old lady: Well I'd do Kung in a second as long as he keeps that hat on..

Young Girl(age 14-17): Oh yeah Kung is fuckin hot, only without the hat he's ugly as fuck

Tall Thin Man in a small pink shirt: Oh yeeeessss I absolutely love Kung Lao's hat,

Kitana: Wow these people here love Kung Laos hat, lets go see whats up on the other side of this lake woooo!

Middle Aged Hooker: Kung Lao? Whats he payin?

Little Girl(age 5-8): Kungy has cooties ewwww...

Kitana: Well there you have it, alot of people today said they would do kung lao!woooo! and one person thinks he has cooties! WOOOO!

Scorpion: Perky little bitch isn't she? Well that's it from Untitled Scorpion Talkshow tune in next week for

_Cage falls back through the ceiling_

Cage: Dammit this is not Untitled Scorpion Talkshow, this is The Steel Cage, and I'm not done interveiwing Kung Lao yet.

offscreen voice: Shows over man Kung Lao left to get more ho's

Cage: Well then the shows over, thanks for watching the Steel Cage.

Scorpion: I'm starting a petion for Untitled Scorpion talkshow, sign dammit sign

Cage: No no ignore that ignore that ignore tha(CAge is cut off)

_after the show a commercial airs_

_Scorpion stands against a plane white background_

Scorpion: Hi, you may no me as Scorpion, from the talk show The Steel Cage: with Johnny Cage. But Johnny Cage is an idiot, and an assclown if you enjoy Scorpion and would like to see the new show Untitled Scorpion Talkshow instead please sign below, because the world does not need one more assclown on late night TV.


End file.
